Looking back on some old pictures of events I’ve done, I found this picture of one of my favourite moments on stage.
Back in 2012, at SuperPowerSchool, one of our delegates, a lovely Single-Lady, shared with us her limiting belief that she would never be able to find her perfect partner because she didn’t feel she was good enough.
This is something that I hear so often from my coaching clients, that I thought it would be helpful to demonstrate to this wonderful woman that the concept of being “good enough” or “not good enough” was pretty meaningless especially when finding the one!*
To demonstrate this, I asked the audience to find her two handsome single men who would join me on stage! Meet Nick Reed (who funnily enough later became my husband) and Phil. Both were SuperPowerSchool assistants and were very popular with the ladies.
I informed our Single-Lady that she could ask them a number of questions in the hope of deciding which gentleman she’d prefer to go on a date with.
Her first question, was whether they liked to travel… And although Nick did like to travel, Phil had lived and worked abroad and admitted that traveling was very much in his soul.
At this point, I asked her who was in the lead and of course, Phil was her preference at this point.
I hastily stuck a hand-written Sign onto Phil’s shirt, on which was written “good enough” and a sign onto Nick’s shirt, that said “not good enough”.
The next question was whether either man liked gardening.
Phil was a city lover with no real interest in gardening, whereas Nick, born and raised in the countryside, informed us (much to the amusement of the audience) that he was a big fan of a tidy garden!
When I checked in to see where our Single-Lady’s preference was now, Nick-green-fingered-Reed’s response had pushed him into the lead and so I swapped over the signs. Nick was now “good enough” and Phil was now considered to be “NOT good enough”.
Our lovely Single-Lady was allowed to a final question and this time it was about cycling. Did either guy like to cycle? Phil, sadly, was not a fan and yet Nick with a big smile, admitted he was a committed cyclist and cycled every day!
The deal was clinched and as I checked in with our Single-Lady as to which man was her preference, she proudly announced that Nick was the man she’d prefer to go on a date with.
I summarised for her that in her map of the world, Nick surely must be “good enough” and Phil was “not good enough” to date her!
I asked her whether she thought this was true? Should Phil feel bad because he’s not good enough to date her?
And of course, she replied “Of course not! He’s lovely! It’s just I think I’d be more compatible with Nick”.
Exactly! So it comes down to compatibility and nothing to do with being good enough or not good enough for someone.
(By the way, Phil later married a total goddess, so he didn’t need to feel rejected for long!)
Our Single-Lady realised that she was plenty “good enough”, it was just a case of finding someone she was compatible with.
The point is this…
For everyone who’s worried they’re not attractive enough, there’s a gorgeous person out there worried they’re not smart enough. For everyone worried they don’t look like a super model, there’s someone out there who’s insecure about their height, skin, job, finances, style, social skills, weird toe-nail, you name it! And yet no one needs to be insecure about anything! We’re all different thank goodness and we don’t all care about the same things!
So just OWN what you got!
And FIND someone who’s INTO it!
You might get more one-night-stands if you’re considered to be “10/10 Hot” according to GQ Magazine or “totally ripped” according to Glamour Magazine, but that won’t be the criteria that gets them calling you for a second date, getting down on one knee, marrying you, staying faithful or wanting to grow old together and make babies with you! So take care of your appearance and demonstrate self-care and self-love by all means, but it’s who you are that will ultimately attract or repel people.
After all, the best relationships work when you like each other as people first and foremost, so focus on what you have to give to someone in a relationship and whether you actually like this person and how they are to be with. Focus on improving what kind of person you are. If you keep working on yourself and ensure that you are loving, generous, kind, fun, self-aware, emotionally intelligent and willing to help someone else live their best life… you’ll be a catch for anyone!
If you would like some help building your self esteem, confidence, self-awareness or emotional intelligence, feel free to book a FREE coaching consultation here:
*The term “good enough” is what we, in NLP, call a comparative deletion, since it’s not saying what you’re good enough for or comparing it to anything. Basically it doesn’t mean ANYTHING!
I.e. Good enough in what way? Good enough compared to what? What specifically isn’t good enough about you? How do you know?
If you have a core belief that you’re not “good enough” for something you want, its often from experiencing a failure or rejection at a young age where you couldn’t have grasped the full situation.
There would have just been an overwhelming feeling of failing to please someone (most likely mum or dad) and that feeling got over-generalised to “the whole of me”, or just “I” am not good enough for them. This can be dealt with using NLP techniques very quickly. NLP Time Line techniques originally created by Wyatt Woodsmall and Tad James are rapid and can often transform this core belief in just one session allowing you to feel entitled to be, do and have what you want.